Trauma: Healing Through Connection

Trauma can feel like a heavy shadow, isolating us from ourselves and the world around us. At its core, trauma is more than just a painful event—it’s a profound disconnection. It severs the ties that bind us to our sense of self, our relationships, and our trust in the world. But here’s the hopeful part: connection is the antidote. By rebuilding safe, meaningful connections, we can begin to heal. In this post, we’ll explore how trauma creates disconnection, backed by powerful insights from researchers and clinicians, and share ways to foster healing through reconnection.

Trauma as Disconnection: What the Experts Say

Trauma isn’t just about what happened to us—it’s about how it makes us feel: alone, fragmented, and cut off. Researchers and clinicians have long described trauma as a state of disconnection, affecting our minds, bodies, and relationships. Here are some compelling perspectives:

• Gabor Maté, M.D., a leading voice on trauma and addiction, puts it beautifully: “The essence of trauma is loss of contact with yourself, loss of connection to yourself.” This loss often begins in childhood, when we suppress our true selves to maintain attachment with caregivers. The result? A fractured sense of identity that leaves us feeling adrift.

• Patrick Tomlinson, a trauma recovery expert, explains how trauma fragments us: “Dissociation, which is a central feature of trauma, literally disconnects a person from himself and the world around him. The disconnection is a form of protection and it usually happens in terrifying situations from which there is no physical escape.”Dissociation is the mind’s way of shielding us, but it comes at a cost—separating us from our emotions and reality.

• Bessel van der Kolk, a pioneer in trauma research, highlights the relational impact: “If the essence of trauma is the severance of affiliative bonds with the self and others, and healing from trauma is indicated by one’s ability to be in an optimal state of arousal while experiencing affective sensations/emotions in the body, then further research into the neurobiological correlates of vestibular and somatosensory processing in trauma-related disorders is imperative and pressing.” In other words, trauma breaks our connections internally and externally, making it hard to feel safe in our bodies or with others.

• Teresa Brooks, a trauma-informed coach, emphasizes the path to healing: “This is just a glimpse into the impact of how trauma disconnects and how you can begin to heal your trauma and reconnect with yourself and others. Reclaiming your identity and working with your inner worlds and emotional awareness will enable you to walk a path of continued healing.” Her words remind us that reconnection is a journey of rediscovering who we are.

• Deb Dana, a clinician specializing in polyvagal theory, offers hope: “Connection is the antidote to the isolation that trauma creates. Through connection, we find safety, support, and the possibility of healing.” Safe relationships, she argues, help us regulate our nervous systems and rebuild trust.

These insights reveal a common thread: trauma isolates, but connection heals. Whether it’s reconnecting with your own emotions, your body, or trusted people, the path to recovery is paved with meaningful bonds.

Why Trauma Disconnects Us

Trauma disrupts our sense of safety, making connection feel risky. When we experience overwhelming events—whether a single incident like an accident or ongoing relational trauma like neglect—our nervous system goes into survival mode. This can lead to:

• Dissociation: A mental escape where we feel detached from our bodies or emotions, as Tomlinson described. It’s like living behind a glass wall, unable to fully engage with life.

• Alienation: Research shows that trauma fosters a sense of alienation, linked to conditions like PTSD and depression. A 2019 study using the Trauma Appraisal Questionnaire found that this feeling of being “cut off” from self and others is a core harm of trauma.

• Broken Trust: Relational trauma, especially in childhood, teaches us that closeness can hurt. As Maté suggests, we may lose touch with our authentic selves to stay safe, leading to a lifetime of mistrust.

These effects create a vicious cycle: trauma isolates us, and isolation deepens the pain. But understanding this cycle is the first step toward breaking it.

Healing Through Connection: Practical Steps

The good news? Connection can be rebuilt, step by gentle step. Here are some research-backed ways to start:

1. Reconnect with Your Body: Trauma often leaves us feeling unsafe in our own skin. Practices like yoga, breathwork, or mindful movement, as van der Kolk advocates, help us feel grounded. Try a simple body scan: close your eyes, breathe deeply, and notice sensations in your body without judgment.

2. Build Safe Relationships: Deb Dana’s work highlights the power of co-regulation—feeling safe with others. Seek out supportive people, whether friends, family, or a therapist, who listen without judgment. Even small moments of connection, like a kind conversation, can make a difference.

3. Reclaim Your Identity: Teresa Brooks encourages practices like journaling or self-compassion exercises to rediscover your true self. Ask yourself: What do I need right now? What brings me joy? These questions can help you reconnect with your inner world.

4. Practice Patience: Healing is not linear. As Brooks notes, it’s a path of “continued healing.” Be gentle with yourself as you navigate moments of disconnection and reconnection.

5. Seek Professional Support: Therapies like somatic experiencing, EMDR, ART or polyvagal-informed approaches can help you process trauma safely. (See bewellcollective.com to learn more or reach out at connect@bewellcollective.com).

A Path Forward

Trauma may disconnect us, but it doesn’t have to define us. By understanding trauma as a loss of connection—to ourselves, others, and the world—we can begin to see healing as a journey of reconnection. As Deb Dana reminds us, “Connection is the antidote.” Whether through a deep breath, a kind word, or a moment of self-acceptance, every small step toward connection is a victory."

If you’re on this journey, know that you’re not alone. Reach out, take your time, and trust that healing is possible—one connection at a time. Connect@bewellcollective.com to start your journey of healing.

Resources

"Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic" by Paul Conti, MD, featuring a foreword by Lady Gaga. Emphasizing themes of healing and understanding trauma's impact.

'The Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., Exploration of how trauma impacts the brain, mind, and body."

"Polyvagal Theory in Therapy" by Deb Dana, Engaging the rhythm of regulation, with a foreword by Stephen W. Porges.

Sources: Quotes from Gabor Maté, Patrick Tomlinson (2015), Bessel van der Kolk (1987, cited in Harricharan et al., 2022), Teresa Brooks (2023), and Deb Dana. Additional insights from a 2019 study on the Trauma Appraisal Questionnaire.

DePrince, A. P., Chu, A. T., & Pineda, A. S. (2019). “Links between trauma-related appraisals and symptoms of psychopathology: The role of alienation.” Journal of Traumatic Stress, 32(6), 937–946. https://doi.org/10.1002/jts.22456